Veronica Guerrero-Quan, LPA-Independent Practice
Ever wondered if you are struggling with social anxiety? Or if you are simply shy? I’m a psychotherapist who struggled with social anxiety from elementary school through the third year of college (give or take). So please give me the honor of breaking this down for you! Enjoy!
What is social anxiety?
Social anxiety, as defined by the diagnostic manual for mental disorders (DSM-5-TR), is described as a “marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible scrutiny by others.” At the core of social anxiety is this deep fear or anxiety about being scrutinized or judged by others. As such, someone may experience social anxiety regarding social interactions, being observed by others, and performing in front of others.
Examples of social situations that may provoke social anxiety for someone may include:
- Having a conversation
- Meeting unfamiliar people (e.g., going on a date; making a new friend)
- Making work-related phone calls
- Writing school- or work-related emails
- Eating or drinking in front of others
- Walking in front of others
- Performing for others (e.g., dance recital; piano recital; cheerleading)
- Giving a speech
- Delivering a presentation
Some individuals that experience social anxiety may fear that they will act in a way or show anxiety symptoms that would be negatively evaluated by others. They may fear that their anxiety symptoms would cause a humiliating or embarrassing experience; they may fear being rejected by others or offending them.
Social anxiety vs. normal shyness
How does social anxiety differ from normal shyness? Shyness is a personality trait that is not independently pathological. In fact, shyness is seen as a positive quality in certain parts of the world! In western society, extroversion may be glamorized and praised in comparison to shyness—but this does not mean that one is “right” while the other is “wrong” or “less than”!
It may be helpful to think of extroversion, socialness, introversion, shyness, and social anxiety to all be on a spectrum. There are varying degrees along the spectrum. On one extreme of the spectrum, you may have those who crave and adore being the center of attention, to the detriment of healthy connections in their own lives. On the opposite extreme of the spectrum, we have social anxiety—which also impairs healthy connections. In the middle of the spectrum, we have extroversion, varying degrees of sociability, introversion, and shyness.
Someone may be experiencing social anxiety (not shyness) if the following are present:
- Social situations commonly provoke fear or anxiety.
- Social situations are endured with intense fear/anxiety—or avoided altogether!
- The fear or anxiety is out of proportion to the actual threat posed by the social situation.
- The fear, anxiety, or avoidance has persisted for 6 months or more.
- The fear, anxiety, or avoidance causes significant distress or impairment in an individual’s life (e.g., causing issues at work; affecting academic performance; affecting social connectedness)
I think I have social anxiety… now what?
There is good news! People can recover from social anxiety! I know this as a psychotherapist and as a human. As I mentioned before, I used to struggle with social anxiety up until my third year in college.
Overcoming social anxiety can be done in several ways. One of the most effective, as supported by research, includes exposure therapy. A therapist who provides exposure therapy would likely first establish a desired level of trust with you, then identify the degree of social anxiety you experience, then teach you relaxation techniques, and eventually create a Social Anxiety Hierarchy of “challenge items.” The idea in exposure therapy is to gradually desensitize an individual to the feared situation by facing “social anxiety challenges” that progressively increase in intensity over time throughout the course of therapy. Don’t worry, this is done at the pace of the therapy client and only with their consent. A therapy client is never forced to do something that they are not desiring to do. And, as someone who used to struggle with social anxiety, I completely empathize with my therapy clients whom I suggest “social anxiety challenges” to.
If this post has resonated with you and you are interested in taking a first step toward your healing, reach out to Stanley Psychology to request an appointment with me or any other available clinician.
You deserve to heal! And as someone who has overcome social anxiety, I promise life is so much better, fulfilling, and freeing without social anxiety! Join me on the other side!
References:
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR)