Veronica Guerrero-Quan, M.S., Licensed Psychological Associate- Independent Practice
During an era of faith deconstruction, we must ask ourselves, “What the heck is causing large groups of people to re-analyze their Christian religious identity and belief system?” As you might suspect, this is multifaceted, and many factors are at play. Arguably, one of the many factors includes that of “church hurt” or “spiritual abuse.” Let me start by defining these phrases; although they can overlap, they are not entirely synonymous.
“Church hurt”
There is no secret to what this phrase might imply. It’s exactly as you might’ve guessed: church hurt means church hurt!
All jokes aside, I would elaborate and clarify that “church hurt” is defined as hurt experienced within a church context or within a church system without necessarily rising to the severity of, or including the dynamics of, spiritual abuse.
In other words: spiritual abuse includes church hurt, but church hurt is not always classified as spiritual abuse. Let’s read on to learn what spiritual abuse is!
Spiritual Abuse
Alright, what is spiritual abuse? Johnson and VanVonderen describe it this way:
“Spiritual abuse can occur when a leader uses his or her spiritual position to control or dominate another person. It often involves overriding the feelings and opinions of another without regard to what will result in the other person’s state of living, emotions, or spiritual well-being.”
By its very definition, spiritual abuse involves a power dynamic in which the abuser holds power/authority over the individual.
Any time the word abuse is utilized in any context (for example, physical or sexual abuse), there is an understanding that the abuser somehow holds greater power than the abused individual (for example, greater physical strength). In the case of spiritual abuse, this power is often a social or hierarchal power granted to the leader by an institution or congregation; this granted authority often supersedes that of the abused individual(s). Thus, a spiritual abuser often holds social status that is hard to stand up against.
Like in any case of abuse, it is vital to acknowledge the power difference, because this increases an individual’s vulnerability while diminishing their ability/willingness to advocate for themselves when needed.
Now that I’ve highlighted the vitally important-to-note power differential, I want to get more specific on what spiritual abuse can look like. First, let me start with offering several examples of spiritual abuse to paint a picture for you:
Being cut off from all communication with church members or leaders due to leaving the congregation or disrupting the group’s “harmony.”
Being consistently encouraged or guilt-tripped into cutting ties with family or friends for the sake of pursuing holiness.
Receiving extensive spiritual discipline and humiliation from spiritual leadership in front of others with the stated purpose of “lovingly correcting or sanctifying you.”
The spiritual leader(s) being the ultimate “holder of truth” or “God’s mouthpiece” to such a degree that others’ opinions or genuine theological questions are silenced, dismissed, or chastised.
The list of examples can go on and on, but I will stop here for the purpose of this blogpost. To further clarify the definition of spiritual abuse, allow me to explicitly highlight some very common spiritual abuse dynamics:
Authoritarian leadership
Discrepancy between leader’s teachings and personal lifestyle (hypocrisy)
Discouragement of questions or critical thinking (groupthink)
Spiritual suffering on leader’s terms
Elitism and persecution
Use of spiritual guilt, fear, and intimidation
Fostering submission, loyalty, and obedience to spiritual authority
Excessive discipline and humiliation
This short list implies very dense details that I plan to share more about on future blogposts—so please stay tuned!
Devastating Effects of Spiritual Abuse
As you might imagine, the effects of spiritual abuse can be tragic. Every person’s experience is as unique as their upbringings and personalities. It can look differently from person-to-person, but I will nonetheless share some common outcomes among the spiritually abused:
Distorted image of God
Confusion about religious beliefs or worldview
Identity confusion
Low self-esteem
Lack of living skills (for example, financial planning, job skills, social skills)
Lack of trust in others
Lack of trust in self (for example, distrusting own judgment or perception)
This is not a comprehensive list of spiritual abuse outcomes, but it is a general summary of common general outcomes. Also, it is important to note that spiritual abuse can range in severity; typically, spiritual abuse outcome severity reflects spiritual abuse severity.
Is there hope?
Well, all this all sounds depressing so far… doesn’t it? You might have been wondering when I would get to the positive part. Here it is! As a licensed therapist with clinical knowledge, and as a human with her own healing journey from spiritual abuse, I can boldly state: THERE IS HOPE.
Healing looks different from person to person, as everyone’s experiences and outcomes are unique. However, I will say there is hope when someone decides to courageously reach out for help after such devastating experiences!
Therapy for the spiritually abused allows for taking inventory of psychological, emotional, relational, and spiritual damage. Mental health concerns are assessed, and therapy treats these concerns compassionately and supportively.
What makes therapy unique from other professional or medical interventions is that the therapeutic relationship is generally more personable—and therapists are ethically UNALLOWED to impose their personal beliefs or biases on their therapy patients. This is a very important detail, as many individuals with a history of spiritual abuse fear to be in a one-on-one relationship with authority who will tell them what to think and do. The fear of getting hurt again is very real.
I repeat: therapy is NOT about telling patients what to think or do. It is about helping them sort through their mess and find healing, even if it doesn’t line up with the therapist’s own belief system.
With all of that said, I will end on this note: Pain is very real, and so is healing. Although pain may barge into our lives uninvited, healing must be invited in.
I lovingly challenge you to invite healing into your life and reach out.
Reach out to our office to inquire about therapy services with Veronica!
References
Enroth, R. M. (1992). Churches that abuse. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Churches_That_Abuse
Johnson, D., & VanVonderen, J. (2005). The subtle power of spiritual abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church. Baker Books.